Life s too short to say maybe
by AlyssaJulia
Summary: NCIS searches for a suspect that Mossad wants dead... So Deputy Director David sends one of his best agents to solve this problem... his daughter. Little does he know how this assignment will change her. This is a different story of how Ziva joins NCIS, Kate doesn t exist, Ari isn t dead. AU. First fanfic. Will be TIVA in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, they aren´t mine and probably never will be... It´s sad to say, but I´m just borrowing them.**

**A/N: Okay guys, this is my first attempt at fanfic and I´m not a native speaker. So don´t expect this to be a masterpiece and please don´t expect regular updates, either. I´d love to hear your thoughts about it, just tell me if its worth continuing or what I need to change...**

As usually, her father refused to acknowledge her presence as Ziva entered the deputy director´s office. In this office, she was simply one of his soldiers, albeit a very good one. Still, she had no right to demand any personal privileges.

Ziva was unsure whether this was better or worse than his behavior at the rare occasions they saw each other privately. Yesterday evening had been one of those meetings – it resulted in a spectacular yelling match and a hard slap across her face. Despite her extensive knowledge of self-defense, she always stood helpless when it came to her father, who had been a person of authority for all she could remember. And no one, not her mother and none of her collegues or friends dared to confront him either. If it wasn´t for her brother Ari, who tried to protect his little sisters as much as he could, she would probablly suffered from far more than just a slap here or there.

Right now, however, her father looked perfectly composed and calm. He simply pointed at a manila folder which laid at the far corner of his desk.

"You got a new assignment. Your plane will leave tomorrow at 0600 for Washington D.C.. All other information is listed here. As we normally do not operate in the US officially, you were provided with a fake passport and an extensive cover story. You probably should go and see Amit, he may explain you further details and procedure which cannot be described as standard in this case, I guess. Good luck."

Ziva swallowed hard. This was usually the moment when her father asked her for a kiss. No matter how bad things were – and hell, they had been bad- he always made sure to bid his daughter a proper farewell, after all, this could always be the last time he would see her alive. But obviously, yesterdays fight still bothered him more than his stoic Mossad mask would show.

_I won´t give in, though. _Ziva told herself, _ he hurt me and this time, it´s enough. Maybe some time apart from him will do me some good._ The next second, however, she scolded herself. After all, time away from Israel and her father usually included a mission, which more often than not, inevitably lead to a person´s death. And no matter how well-deserved death might seem for some of the monsters Ziva had been taking care of in the past, she still condemned her second nature as a cold and heartless killer. But these thoughts were completely out of place in her father´s office, where it was all about business, power and secrecy.

"And, Ziva? This assignment is of outmost importance. I am sending you, because you will get the job done, no hesitation, no questions, no extratours. This terrorist poses as a danger to Israel and he needs to be stopped."

"I understand, father", with these simple words, she left her father´s office and searched for Amit. While strolling through the headquarter´s extensive hallways, Ziva began to read in the folder. Sometimes, her training for multitasking actually came in handy, as she managed to walk to Amit´s office without any collisions, all the while reading about her next target.

"The US Navy has been suspecting Qassem Al-Farsi to be responsible for the explosion at the Naval bases in both Virginia, Maryland, Marseille and Jakarta. More importantly, he is believed to be part of Hisbollah, with close ties to the Taliban and al-Qaida. He has acted as an important strategic planner for several bombings in Israel, but also supports terrorists with laundered money and weapons, some of them from the French and American Navy. Therefore, you will get in as Genevieve de Vincenz, working for the French military law enforcement, with a background in the DGSE. We have to little on him, so you need to find out what NCIS knows, help them find him and kill him silently before they try to arrest him. Got it?"

"Who will be my partner, my handler?"

"Contact me if there are any problems, otherwise you´ll be on your own."

"Amit..." Ziva didnt know how to continue. It was a pure suicide to attempt to get this operation done without any backup, any person having her back or helping her to disappear. She knew she wouldn´t have any problem with the actual assassination part, but this operation was so poorly planned with so little information that the real challenge here was to infiltrate a law enforcement agency _and_ to disappear quietly from a country she wasn´t even supposed to be in. And all of this without someone by her side... **That** called for trouble and a lot of problems.

"Ziva, I know, believe me. But those are direct orders from your father and the director. I can´t help you. You should probably go now."

Refusing to show any emotion on her face, Ziva left the Mossad headquarters and headed for her apartment. _Sometimes, _she tought,_ I hate this job. My father and all of his little soldiers. Not even the director would stand up to him and it was a known fact that he would soon take over the institute anyways. How could I ever be so stupid to give him the complete control over my life? _But deep down, Ziva knew she never had a chance. When your Daddy was determined to climb the ranks, the children had to comply. It was as easy as that.

While she started to pack – which involved a few quick decisions on clothes and some more difficult ones on the weapons she might need – her mind wandered back to the task at hand.

_Luckily, my French is pretty good. But my experience with law enforcement work ... Well, it lacks fundamental knowledge, I guess. I will simply concentrate on the human resources at hand. _

From the files she had read, it appeared to be pretty clear cut: the leader Senior Special Agent Gibbs, the jock Special Agent DiNozzo, and the computer geek Special Agent McGee. They formed the team reponsible for chasing down Al-Farsi, and everything else or anyone else should unimportant for her mission.

_I just hope these guys cooperate and find me Al-Farsi quickly, so that I can leave soon again. Afterwards, I should maybe ask father for a long-term assignment, some place far away where I don´t have to see him that often. Maybe, I could even join Ari in London, or wherever he was right now. That is, of course, if I even manage to get out of the US completely on my own._

Ziva sighed while closing her small bag. _This mission hasn´t even started and it is already giving me a headache._

**A/N: So, what do you think? Should I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: A huge THANK YOU to everybody who has read, reviewed or favorited or followed my story so far. You really made my day**** So, this is the second chapter and it although it does not involve the team yet, I think it is necessary to understand Ziva´s feelings and her relationship to her brother and her father as I imagine them for my story...**

**Disclaimer: They still don´t belong to me. Neither does the song.**

_Is this the place we used to love? _

_Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?_

_Oh simple thing where have you gone _

_I'm getting old and I need something to rely on _

_So tell me when you're gonna let me in _

_I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

_And if you have a minute why don't we go_

_Talk about it somewhere only we know? _

_This could be the end of everything _

_So why don't we go Somewhere only we know?_

"Somewhere only we know" by Keane

People all around her, men, women, all kinds of nations, nothing permanent, nothing to hold onto. For Ziva David, a trained assassin who knew that her survival often depended on her photographic memory and her ability to identify possible threats, airports were places right from hell. After a five hour flight from Tel Aviv to Paris, she suspected every person around her of carrying a bomb or wanting to hurt her or others. The fact that she had to hide almost all of her weapons in her luggage as her cover was that of an ordinary tourist didn´t exactly help either.

Right now, Ziva was on her way into the city to sell her temporary cover as a tourist and to meet someone who would supply her with all the necessary information to return to the airport as Genevieve de Vincenz. While sitting in the back of a taxi, she tried desperately to concentrate on developing possible assassination plans and exit strategies, just so she didn´t have to think about her father, their strained relationship and her growing resentment towards working for him.

Suddenly, her cell phone indicated a new message: **Genevieve, meet me at the Panthéon in about 20 min.? **Ziva couldn´t help but frown at the display in front of her. A message beginning with her cover name was nothing unusual, in fact it was a simple code for **I´ve got all the documents**. But the location? Normally, exchanges in Paris took place in the Notre Dame where it was loud and chaotic at any given time of day. But the Panthéon probably meant just one thing...

After sending a quick reply, she told her cab driver her new destination and settled in her seat, now with a small smile on her face.

After she paid for her ticket, Ziva entered the quiet church, her eyes immediately searching all shadows and dark corners for possible threats. Although she knew that is was highly unlikely for her enemies to take her out in this peaceful and sacred place, the assassin part of her brain didn´t rest for one second, constantly analyzing and searching for weapons or suspicious persons. Her contact, she knew wouldn´t hide in one of those shadows. He was too savvy for that and deceiving people was one of his favorite pastimes.

In the catacombs, in front of Marie Curie´s grave, she finally found him.

"Hey little sis", he greeted her, "took you long enough."

"They were out of decent rental cars, Ari, and this cab driver... I swear he was trying to irritate me."

"He obviously succeeded." was all he replied.

"Well, father already did his part as well." When he tried to say something, Ziva quickly cut her brother of. She knew very well what he tought of their father. Their fights were, if possible, even more heated and she had suspected for quite some time now that Ari did not work solely for his father, but thad he had other bosses, too.

"Never mind, Ari, please. We do not need to have this discussion again. I thought you were in London, though."

"Well, your sources were obviously wrong. London turned into Brussels pretty quickly and after that was over, father genourously gave me some time of. Although he was probably just annoyed by having to deal with _my tantrums_, as he likes to call them. Or he was tired of explainig the director why most of my _possible_ suspects end up dead as well. Or..."

"Ari, stop, please! I... I just don´t want to know, okay?" _I love my brother, I really do. Maybe, that´s the problem. I should talk to someone at Mossad about his changed behavior, but that would feel like a betrayal. Still, I can´t help but notice how much he has changed. He protects me, but he has stopped seeing the good in the rest of the world. For him, there is just the everpresent evil._

"Ziva, are you okay? You seem distracted. You know, if you want to, I could come with you to Washington. I don´t care what father says and you need someone to back you up."

A few minutes ago, Ziva would have gladly agreed, not that she would have ever asked for his company, but they worked better together and she wouldn´t have been so damn alone during the assignment. But their meeting had once more reminded her how much they both had changed. While Ari had become more cynical and thus even more lethal, believing he stood above every law in this world, Ziva continued to conduct her assignments with precision, but behind her stoic mask, insecurity, vulnerability and doubts concerning her work prospered.

"Don´t bother. It´s just another criminal to track down. You would just be bored, believe me." Feeling the sudden need to get out of the dimly lit and small catacombs, Ziva hastily added "Have you got the stuff I will need?"

"Mais oui, my dear _Genevieve_. Are you sure I shouldn´t come with you? I can´t wait to kick a few American asses and teach them a bit restraint. Besides, you seem to be nervous."

Ziva took the documents Ari handed to her. "I´m just nervous because _someone_ decided to make me drive through the whole city instead of simply taking the usual location and I will probably miss my flight."

Ari smiled while once again taking in his surroundings, checking for possible threats but at the same time appreciating the beautiful architecture. "This place reminds me of the old synagogue in which we used to play as kids, you know? Remember when Tali fell so hard that I had to carry her the whole way home?"

"I remember." What she didn´t mention was that she also remebered this day because it was the first day where she had seen her father hitting her older brother. It was the day when her daddy fell of the throne and her brother had become her hero. _But when did Ari fell of that throne? Or did I simply stopped believing in heroes?_

"I´m sorry, Ari, but I really have to go."

"Don´t worry, Zivaleeh, but I will just remain here for a little bit. Keep the dead some company, you know?" Ari answered and kissed her cheek after hugging her briefly.

"Um, sure. I guess I will just see you some time soon then. Goodbye, Ari."

"Goodbye."

After turning towards the exit, Ziva couldn´t help but to look back quickly. Her brother, entirely comfortable now that he was all alone, standing among the dead people. She shuddered and left quickly while silently praying to anyone who cared to listen: _Please don´t take him from me as well, he is the only one left I can trust._

But during her ride back to the airport and the flight to Washington, with the conversation replaying in her head again and again, Ziva realized that maybe, it was already too late. She had lost her brother long ago when his need for revenge became greater than his love for his family. In her whole life, Ziva had never felt more alone.


End file.
